MISS BAYELSA APPOINTED SPECIAL ADVISER ON TOURISM & CULTURE!!!

Miss Bayelsa, 18-year old Anna Banner, yesterday's winner of the Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria, has been appointed by her Governor as Special Adviser on Tourism & Culture.

• How DUMB...what does she know about tourism and culture? Is winning a Beauty Pageant a criterion for d position? Make una dey deceive una self. What is she advising d Governor on?
• Oga Governor...abi you wan DO??? Me sef ...I GO DO ooooo. Naija men, una no dey do anytin for free for fine woman, so make Anna watch eem PANYA o. Oga Excellency wan score be dat. We have seen it before.
• If na me be Anna papa, I go go get License for PUMP-ACTION....and shoot d prick outta d moda4kaaaa!!!

LAGOS POLICE RESCUE TWO KIDNAPPED CHINESE MEN.

Police in Lagos have rescued two kidnapped Chinese men, and arrested one of the kidnappers.

• Yeparipaaaa...dis kidnappers own don spoil. Im not laughing o, but na Chinese you see to kidnap???
• Even sef Naija person go release money quick quick pass China-man. Naim be say d kidnappers go even dey dash d guy money while in captivity. China man na KOGBEREGBE...ee no send anybody message o...police for leave d kidnappers sef...bcos when dem taya dem for release dem fine fine....and even dash dem money sef.
• Hungry kidnappers. God catch una.
• On a lighter note...na everyday me i dey see China man on top OKADA for Naija. Dem be real 'guy men'...no be small. Dem dey even dey buy GBANJO/OKRIKA wear for jankara market sef...nawa.

KANYE WEST ATTACKS A REPORTER!!!

Grumpy Kanye West attacks a Reporter/Camera Man outside Los Angeles International Airport.

• D guy dey craze sef from time...If you cant stand d heat dont stay in the kitchen, Mr West. 
• Afterall it is dis same reporters dat made you...which kain yeye songs you sabi sing sef? Me i kuku fit sing pass you, and yet i dey look for reporters to follow me around...i no see.
• Make d man dock am for assault, and criminal damage...mumu guy with BIG/LABU MOUTH.

MISS BAYELSA WON THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN NIGERIA AWARD.

Miss Bayelsa has just won the MBGN Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria Award, held in Bayelsa State, Nigeria.

• First of all....CONGRATULOBIAAAA
• Nnaaa...na true say you fine o, but I tink some other girls fine pass u o.
• Eee be like say d judges dey fear make First Lady no go detain dem for Bayelsa, and sho dem pepper like she dey sho d Governor of Rivers State....dat wan don see whinnnn. Naim Yoruba dey call WOLIMO.  Dis judges just do am woorooo wooorooo/pa-pa-pa, and VAMUSSS fast before madam Orderly go come invite dem to 'interview madam'. You know what dat means!!!. Na so me i tink o. Abi wettin una tok?
• Naija...una too dey fear....no be only detention? Wettin sef.  Eye service go kill una. Why una waste other contestants time sef...dem for just declare 'NO OPPOSITION' from day one...abi? Lol.

MICHAEL ADEBOLAJO ATTACKED IN PRISON.

 Michael Adebolajo, the British/Nigerian citizen recently imprisoned for his role in the mindlessly butchering of a British Soldier, Lee Drummer, on a Woolwich Street, has cried out that he was attacked in prison by Prison Guards. He has apparently had some front teeth knocked in!!!

• VERY GOOD!!! You dis DISGRACE of a boy...your head no korect o. You dey craze. In fact...you never see anytin yet. Se d eba wey your papa dey manage giv you before for house don taya you? You come tok say na prison food you like to chop.
• I dont see why d idiot is complaining...after all dem no kill you. No be your fault...you dey use oyinbo human rights law dey take deal with dem. I sure say you dey even dey chop salad and roast beef for dat prison sef....trust d Britikoko people and yeye ;civilization'.
• Kai..why dem no just arrange with naija to transfer dis foolish boy to Kirikiri, make him head korrect fast. Oyinbo too sme-sme for my liking. Small time now dem go set up probe dey probe d poor Prison Guards wey dey do their work jeje.
• USELESS BOY.

AFRICAN MAGIC!!!

This Mallam was seen on Adeniran Ogunsanya Road, Suru-Lere, Lagos, swallowing a whole snake, and regurgitating same with accustomed dexterity. The only thing is that he demanded for tip up-front!!! African Magic? The fascinating thing was that the snake was alive all the time.

• If to say una dey use dis una black magic dey develop us...ee for good.
• Na dis kain man i for like to brush up, and bring to Europe to surprise dem oyinbo/oyinocha people. Naim be say oyinbo go just pass-out/ faint, and sue me for suffering 'trauma'. You kno say dey soft for head small pass apuruka blackmen like us. Wettin man eye never see?

NOLLYWOOD ACTRESS, FUNKE AKINDELE SAYS HER MARRIAGE IS STILL INTACT.

FUNKE AKINDELE, THE NIGERIAN NOLLYWOOD ACTRESS SAYS HER MARRIAGE IS STILL VERY MUCH INTACT DESPITE THE SOCIAL MEDIA 'OFOFO' ABOUT A RUMOURED  'BREAKDOWN'.

• Good for u ...girl. Keep it INTACT if you can, cos when the chips are down, na your man go dey your side.
• All dis Nollywood 'YANGA' no dey last forever o. Woman body be like flower.
• So thumbs up!!!
• Even sef as i dey see your husband face so, na 'roots man' (naija proper)...ee no go let good arse slip by. So ee no go let you go just like dat. Ee go 'DO' (yansh) u 'religiously'...like say you be project. Kai...baddest boyyyyy!!!