NIGERIAN ARMY TO RETIRE 30 GENERALS!!!

The Nigerian Army is poised to retire 30 General, as a result of on-going attempts to 're-position the Army'. It is claimed that some of the officers have spent the mandatory 35 years in Service, while others are due for various reasons.

• Confusion don hit una again....una no dey exhaust una options before taking intricate decisions.
• I am sure there will be 'witch-hunting' involved in drawing up d list as usual....Man know Man.
• How d hell a country can retire dat many Generals, I cannot fathom. Unless una wan tell me say dem join Army d same day??? Abi? Sebi na matter of common-sense (which is not common for awa Government).
• After all d whole Training Courses wey una take awa money send dem go do!!! Looking back in History, Nigeria has the youngest Generals in the World..bcos na so so retirement. Sebi una dey see Generals with grey hair for US Army???. 
• As usual dis na another batch of EMERGENCY POLITICIANS about to flood d Nigerian 'political market'. Bcos after dem retire dem finish, instead make dem go rest...dem go come bull-doze demselves into awa politics, dey dictate to civil population by force...calling demselves politicians. Dem go use all d money wey dem don steal from their various army formations take enter by force. In fact some go get OIL-BLOCKS allocated to dem by d President himsef as parting-gifts sef. Dats how sick it gets.
• Den we go come start d cycle of corruption again. Old brigades no go come allow our younger ones to enter politics and play a part in d future of their country...Dis is awa HISTORY. You name dem...from Obasanjo to Buhari, to Babangida and so on. Even your so-called Senate President. All of dem na CHOP-CHOP people Unlimited.
• On d other hand, what role have dey played in our Nation sef??? Army Generals wey no fit shoot ordinary gun...even to catch and stop Boko Haram, dem no fit....so in d real sense it should not be a loss to Nigeria, even if we retire all of dem sef...abi? What is d 4ukin point???

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OUR READERS!!!

HAVE FUN!!!

GUESS WHAT???

GUESS WHAT YOUR PRESIDENT IS TELLING THE SENATE PRESIDENT???

• I bet he is saying....'I go SMOKE your YANSH if you allow any more PDP Politicians flee to dat useless APC'.
• Se una tink say bcos I be gentleman, I no fit BITE...abi?
• Una go see ROFOROFO FIGHT...(Bayelsa Style). I promise una!!!
• Or it could well be dat he is saying....'Wettin dey do dem for dis kain place wey dem no fit serve OGOGORO? Na dis oyinbo Whiskey person go siddon here dey drink? Abi dem no kno say dem must to dey patronize Naija products???'

QUEEN SIZE!!!

This is a 33-year old mother of two from Chicago. She has a bottom measuring 7ft around. She has limited mobility, weighs 32st, and has problem fitting through some door-ways. In short, she is QUEEN SIZE!!! (otherwise known as OROBO).

• Nawa o...Wettin dem dey chop for Amerikoko wey go fit make person pikkin big like dis?
• Walahi...me I don see elephant wey no even carry weight like dis mama....and no be say na baby-elephant I dey tok o. 
• Even sef dis wan na d original ROAD BLOCK for down yonder when it comes to ACTION time!!!
• God forbid bad tin o....count me out.
• Dem even say d mama don BREAK/TEAR toilet bowl before sef.....(please dont start to imagine). Cheiiii.

LET NO MAN PUT ASUNDER!!!

• I NO FIT LAUGH. I SURE SAY DIS MAMA NO GET FRONT TEETH.
• CHINEKE JESUS!!! YOU DIS GUY...U BE D ORIGINAL 419.
• SO  AFTER UNA DON MARRY FINISH, SE U GO FOLLOW MAMA GO RUSSIA...ABI NA ROMANIA SHE BEEN COME FROM???
• MAKE I TELL U NOW...U DIS JOKER...U NO DECEIVE ME O BCOS ME I SABI D GAME WELL WELL PASS YOU SEF.
• IF U LIKE MAKE YOU DEY DECEIVE OYINBO FOR THERE....CHEIIII.
• DIS NA D REAL 'GUY MAN'...SEE AS EE DEY SMILE LIKE SAY EE REACH EEM BELLE.
• I REST MY CASE.

THE COW WOOROO-WOOROO!!!

Hear what Pastor Tunde Bakare had to say about the COW sent to him by the President as Xmas 'GIFT'.
How ridiculous.

'I had a cow from the presidency. I didn’t ask for it. They dropped it at the Save Nigerian Group (SNG) office. But is it cow that we need? If you check their books, one cow was bought for $5000g. The rest of the money is pocketed. We don’t need cow, we need a country that will move forward. They prevailed on not to return it. Thanks for the cow, but no thanks! That means no cow for me next year. But we will have good roads, schools etc! We are the cause of our problem. We feel big. Mr President sent me hampers etc. We go to them for contracts etc. Until we change ourselves, we cannot expect change from those who lead us'.

• YEYE DEY SMELL FOR NAIJA!!!...big time.
• At least some people still have DIGNITY and PRIDE in Nigeria. Thank God.

PROFESSOR WOLE SOYINKA'S DAUGHTER IS DEAD.

The Noble Laureatte, Professor Wole Soyinka, has lost his daughter, Iyetade Apampa, to the cold hands of death. A Statement released by a family spokes person says:
 "In spite of this, she greeted every day with a smile and doted on her two children. She took ill quite suddenly and passed away while being treated at UCH, Ibadan. Iyetade leaves behind two children, both parents, numerous siblings, nieces and nephews."

• RIP. May the Good Lord Grant her Eternal Peace.
• Epele O...Prof.

NIGERIAN POLICE BARRACK: A SHOW OF SHAME!!!

This is what the average Nigerian Police Barrack looks like!!! It is a BIG SHAME for an oil- rich country that is claiming to have the wherewithal to fight CRIME. We surely cannot be said to be a Police-Friendly Nation by any standard!!!

• Fancy being a Police Officer, and having to wake up every morning from this 4ukin SLUM.
• No wonder awa police dey VEX well well for main-road. You can now understand why dey collect BRIBE, and why d regular ACCIDENTAL DISCHARGE.
• Make una go collect una money from your former IG (Hafiz Ringim). He don chop Police Budget dry, just like his predecessors...and now ee go siddon for London dey seek Asylum.
• SHAME ON NIGERIA!!! A country where MEDIOCRITY will often times override MERITOCRACY....Square pegs in round holes.
• I don't know where to hide my face. I am ashamed to even have to explain dis BULL-SHIT to my children, because it is illogical and atrocious. 
• And then your President had d temerity to appoint OKIRO (former IG too) as Chairman of the Police Service Commission??? What is there for him to SERVICE??? After dem don chop d whole budget dry.
• Is dis not madness??? Even my senile grandmother in d village will not take dat DUMB decision dat Mr. President took....all in order to please d OLD BRIGADE, and make his stay in power a FRIENDLY one.
• D more you re-cycle dis old moda4ukas, the more BACKWARD your country will be...period. As simple as ABC....so please stop claiming VICTORY. Your 2013 was a freaking disaster, if you ask me.

UK HOMES STILL UNDER FLOOD!!!

Thousands of homes in the UK are still under flood. Most homes are without electricity supply, made worse by the Christmas holidays, with off-duty staff!!! Fences are down, with fallen trees everywhere, especially in the South of England.

• Nawa o...dis small rain. Dis na regular occurences for third world countries ke.
•  It shows you dat we dey TRY for Naija and other African countries wey RAIN dey waya us everyday. And yet we still dey SMILE.
• Dis oyinbo people are SPOILT. Dey are not used to sufa-head like 3rd World countries. Come see as confusion heat dem.
• Come see as Oyinbo dey use GENERATOR like say dem dey for Naija....Interesting.
• Sometime sef, I tink dat if oyinbo dey awa position, dem go worse pass us...bcos dem be d ORIGINAL HUSTLERS.
• You don see oyinbo before when dem dey rush for Xmas SALE? Dem go fit sleep for outside shop for d whole night bcos dem wan buy ordinary trouser wey dem reduce by £5....nawa o.    

MARTIAL ARTS FIGHTER SNAPS HIS SHIN.

Watch this guy's shin going SNAPPPPP!!!! And dangling like rubber.

• BODY NO BE FAYA WOOD!!!
• AND EVEN IF EE RESEMBLE FAYA WOOD, EE NO BE AAYON (iron).
• EE GET AS D TIN BE O!!!

PASTOR BAKARE REJECTS JONATHAN'S XMAS COW GIFT!!!

News has reached NAIJABLAB that President Jonathan allegedly sent a cow to PastorTunde Bakare of the Latter Rain Assembly, as a Christmas gift. It is said that the Pastor REJECTED the gift IJN (In Jesus Name), and returned it to sender saying that what Nigerians want is GOOD GOVERNANCE!!! Naijablab has tried to confirm this news with the President's Chief of Staff, Mike Oghiadhome, to no avail.

• Nice wan...Bakare. Na dat wan we want chop???
• You are your father's son!!! Always CONSTANT.
• I bet you many Nigerians could not even afford to buy common CHICKEN for their Xmas.
• NEVER HAVE SO FEW OWED SO MUCH TO SO MANY....only in awa Nigeria.

DRONE-LIKE OBJECT CRASHES INTO NIGERIAN HOUSE!!!

This mysterious space-craft was reported to have crash  landed in a house at Awotan, Ido Local Government of Oyo State. It was said to have crashed through a house and landed in their toilet, almost killing occupants. Experts have suggested it could be a SPYING DEVICE sent by NASA, in the USA, because on close look it bore a registration number, TX5803. This means it could have been a drone sent from NASA, Texas. The USA has been known to spy on countries around the world with various devices, in the past!!!

• Nawa o...wonders shall never end. 
• Sorry to say....Amerika is looking at d wrong direction.
• Unless...Maybe dem wan see as BLACKMAN dey take shit for eem toilet???
• What  a RUDE SHOCK!!! Maybe d tin miss road enter nigeria instead of Russia.
• I no kuku kno why dem dey waste dem time. Which time Nigeria come become Russia???
• Na wettin we go chop we dey look for o...Shishi no dey for awa YANSH.

GOVERNOR OSHIOMHOLE ESCAPES DEATH!!!

The Edo State Governor, Comrade Adams Oshiomhole narrowly escaped death yesterday as his convoy crashed into a bus along Benin-Auchi Expressway. His vehicle was damaged beyond repairs!!! Nobody was hurt and the Governor is in good health.

• Another LUCKY DEVIL...courtesy of awa horrendous Roads and Reckless Driving-Culture!!!
• What goes round comes round. It is left to you guys to MAKE THINGS WORK or continue to chop us dry. After all death is not meant only for d poor man...abi?.
• Thank God for mercies...all d same.
• But I been hear say D GOV refuse to die bcos ee don CHOP OKPO (Juju) too much!!!
• Anyway even if I no wan believe, I still believe bcos d guy sef be like JUJU (Shigidi) himself. In my fore fathers days na dis kain mysterious-looking person (material) dem dey take make juju/sacrifice. Short man devil. See eem korokoro eyes and WORWOR face!!! Lol. And na so d guy like SKIRTS...no be small.
• Anyway we still thank God for your life sha.

AIR CRASH AVERTED IN NIGERIA!!!

Earlier today an air crash was averted at the MMA Airport in Lagos, as an Aero Contractors Plane coming from Abuja lost its tyre upon landing. There were 104 Crew and Passengers on board, and one of them was former Minister of the Federal Capital Territory, Mallam Nasir El Rufai. The accident Investigation Prevention Bureau has commenced investigation into the incident.

• Thank God for little Mercies.
• Another National Disaster averted in this Yuletide period when all awa guards are DOWN.
• Maybe d guy wey for pump d tyre before departure don go chop GUGURU...abi ee go do Xmas shopping. Lol (not funny).
• Work Ethics for my people na ZERO....dem no give a 4ukin SHIT!!! Dem go say after all how much dem dey pay man sef??? Xmas, I no fit do....Abeggii make dem manage am like dat. No be only one hour to Lagos???? 
• Dats awa freaking mentality. Just like awa maintenance culture is Zero...awa work ethics na minus zero.
• By d way life in Nigeria no mean any tin...bcos na dis same minister been lose eem brother and nephew for car accident last week. No be so? Nawa o. LUCKY DEVIL!!!

ADVERTIZE YOUR PRODUCTS ON NAIJABLAB!!!

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• TELL THEM YOUR STORY....SELL YOUR GOODS & PRODUCTS FAST.
• ADVERTIZE ON NAIJABLAB!!!
•  RATES ARE VERY AFFORDABLE.
• EMAIL: naijablab@gmail.com for reasonable quotation.

NOLLYWOOD ROCK CALABAR CARNIVAL!!!

NOLLYWOOD ACTORS AND ACTRESSES STORM CALABAR CARNIVAL!!!

• Come o...who be dat yellow OLD MAMA for there??? (You Wish)

FOOD FOR THOUGHT!!!

GUESS WHAT THAT GEEZER IN THE MIDDLE IS THINKING???

• No be for my mouth you go hear am!!!

NIGERIANS MANAGE TO MARK CHRISTMAS.

Nigerians have always been known to mark Christmas, despite their never-ending economic and political travails. Despite the lack of SECURED and SAFE Recreational facilities, they would defy all odds and engage in merriment. This is why it was once said that the average Nigerian is probably the HAPPIEST MAN in the World!!!

• Well...me I don't know about dat o. I believe we are VERY VERY SAD as a result of the way awa Leaders treat us. It is only an IGNORAMUS dat will tell me he is happy.
• We are probably d most RESILIENT in the World...meaning we can take any BULL-SHIT from awa JAGUDA leaders and still afford to sit back and smile.
• For instance, look at dis foto above. By d mere sight of it, it shows that it is over-crowded...dat means there aren't too many of such facilities in dat neighbourhood. And what does it REALLY take to earmark such areas for awa children??? Virtually nothing.... with d enormous resources we have.
•  Dis is what Fela called SUFFERING & SMILING.
• There is also d issue of HEALTH & SAFETY??? Imagine there was an accident there as a result of dat over-load. Are we to expect QUICK RESPONSE from the Ambulance? Dat is if there is one. D answer is NO.
• Are you surprised that there are few areas designated for Recreation? NO, I am not....bcos it does not take much for awa heartless and wicked politicians to SEIZE such designated areas and turn dem into their personal properties, building SKY-SCRAPPERS and private homes with awa stolen funds.
• I can never forget one such area in the mid 80s dat was commandeered by awa useless Lagos State Commissioners. Dat is d area behind IKEJA COUNTRY CLUB, along Joel Ogunaike Street, GRA Ikeja, Lagos which was hitherto a big recreation field designated for PARK purposes. Dis BASTARDS in agbada (aka Politicians) woke up one day and started to share d damn place among themselves. And dat was d END....d history of my Country. And yet we still manage to smile at Xmas!!! May d good Lord be Praised.
• And by Gods Grace those who inflict such pains on ordinary Nigerians shall never END well....Amen.
• Can you really imagine any IDIOT going to build on Hyde Park or Finsbury Park in the UK? Dem never BORN dat person...not even d Queen of England.

TINUBU'S 'FUNNY' CHRISTMAS MESSAGE.

Hear what he has to tell the HUNGRY & ANGRY people of Nigeria!!!

“Our hope for a better Nigeria, where the people are the core of governance and government functions as it should, must never diminish. We must continue to work, leaders and followers alike to realize the country of our dream," he said. "It is the responsibility of each one of us to find a space for action and develop the capacity to help bring about the desired change,” the former governor said. “It is never too late. Just like a few of us have built a political platform with the potential to deliver change and enhance the potentials of our people, others must join in or build similar platforms. It is not enough to stand, arms akimbo, waiting always to criticize and theorize as it is the way of some. 

“What is required is being part of an active group that can wrest power and use it for the common good. Right now, the only way I know to securing power legitimately is through participation in the political party system. 

“Though, some question our sincerity and our motives, we will not relent on the path we have chosen and the power of our conviction that it is only Nigerians from different backgrounds that can form an alliance for change.”

• YOU MAKE ME LAUGH. AND PLEASE DON'T BE FUNNY!!!
• YES....YOU ARE BLOODY RIGHT.
• I AM ONE OF THOSE THAT QUESTION YOUR 4UKIN MOTIVES.
• WHAT GOOD WERE YOU TO THE SUFFERING PEOPLE OF LAGOS AFTER 8 YEARS OF GOVERNORSHIP???
• YOU CAME OUT MUCH BETTER OFF AND RICHER, WHILE WE CAME OUT WORSE AND EVEN WORST!!!
• SO DON'T 4UKIN PATRONIZE US...WE ARE INTELLIGENT PEOPLE.
• U CRACK-HEAD MODA4UKIN DUMBO.
• AND BY THE WAY...HOW MANY CHARITABLE VENTURES HAVE YOU PUT IN PLACE FOR THE PEOPLE YOU SAY YOU ARE FIGHTING FOR??? CONSIDERING YOU ARE SITTING ON THEIR MONEY.
• NEVER HAVE SO FEW OWED SO MUCH TO SO MANY....(ONLY IN 4UKIN NIGERIA WHERE THUGS RULE AND CALL THE SHOT).

REVEREND AKINOLA ABDUCTED!!!

The former Primate of the Church of Nigeria (Anglican communion), Most Rev. Peter Akinola was yesterday abducted in Abeokuta, in Ogun State. He was later rescued by the Police in an Operation that lasted two hours. The 69-year old Cleric was abducted with his driver and child in front of the Peter Akinola Foundation Centre for Youth Development Training, along the Abekuta-Lagos Express Road.

• Dis 4ukin Kidnappers are enemies of progress, and need to be WIPED out without Trials, if possible.
• Dis poor guy (Reverend) has used his initiative and money to set up a Development Centre to train Unemployed Youths, and yet he gets kidnapped outside dat same project!!!
• Is dis an excuse for HUNGER...abi wettin dey cause dis BULL-SHIT...where people cannot live their simple lives?
• Very soon Nigeria will be worse than MEXICO...if awa government don't WAKE UP.

CELEBRITY CHICKEN???

Believe it or not!!! The chicken you see in this photos is a British Celebrity. The owner came home and found that her Chicken (PET) had disappeared from her garden. It had been chased away by a cat. She was very distressed, and called the Police. Police came, and spent 72 HOURS with 'concerned neighbours', looking for the poor chicken. It was later found sitting on a car down the road!!!

• OOhhh GOD??? Which kain life be dis? Ennn.
• So na ordinary chicken Oyinbo Police spend 72hours dey look for?
• Kaiiii. i don die finish (finito). When human being never see dat kain petting or attention for awa side.
• STUPID CHICKEN wey dem for take make korrect PEPPER SOUP.
• Walahi...I dare dat chicken to enter my garden. I bet you ee go follow my Turkey enter oven for Xmas GRUBBITO.
• Babanla Nonsense. Chicken ko, Shikini ni. Agric for dat mata. Dat wan na korrect meat now!!!
• Me I don tok am say we and oyinbo no be same.
• I wish awa IG of Police in Naija could see dis 'BULL-SHIT' of a caption.
• It reminds me of wan Wild Life Consevatory for Lekki wey some people jump fence go catch the Antelope wey dey there, take make bush-meat pepper soup chop.
• O boy hunger na BAD TIN o!!!

PDP VERSUS APC.

GUESS WHO IS WHO!!!

KENYAN INMATE CHOPS OFF HIS OWN PENIS!!!

A death row inmate serving in a Kenyan Prison has CHOPPED OFF his own penis because he was not granted Presidential Pardon at Christmas!!! It is a yearly tradition in Kenya for the President to read out names of prisoners to be granted pardon. The inmate, Francis Karuri, embarked on the action when his name was not read out. He claimed he no longer had any use for it.

• Dis wan dey CRAZE o.
• Dem for check eem mental worthiness. D guy don KOLO.
• Nawa o...see as I dey tight my leg like say na me d tin happen to. Chei!!!. Lol.
• God forbid bad tin o.
• Dat is tantamount to a CAR WITHOUT TYRES ke.

BRITAIN UNDER FLOOD!!!

Most Counties in the UK were last night battered by gale winds, and continuous rainfall, causing enormous flood by day-break. The South of England was particularly affected, and the storm has been said to move up North towards Scotland.

• Nawa o...Ee get as d tin come be.
• No be say d rain even heavy too much sef, but by morning time people fences don commot. Even flood don full road, with fallen trees.
• D tin make me realize say we dey try for Africa. Bcos d kain rainfall wey cause dis wahala is nothing compared to d TORRENTIAL ones we dey see for awa countries for Africa.
• Oyinbo come dey confuse bcos dem no dey used to heavy rain. Come see as dem dey panick. Some dey park dem moto bcos dem see small flood for road. Make dem come try Lagos. Abi na Onitsha dem wan come??? What a joke!!! Na so me I just dey drive enter water dey come out like JAMES BOND o. Wettin SHELE?
• Dem no kno say for awa side rain dey fit fall for good TWO DAYS...non stop.
• I am sure JESUS CHRIST was an African...otherwise awa continent for don dey under water by now.

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM NAIJABLAB!!!

THE STAFF AND MANAGEMENT OF NAIJABLAB WISH TO APPRECIATE YOUR READERSHIP. MAY GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, THROUGH THE YULETIDE!!!

• You may now pick your own TURKEY. lol.

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE!!!

DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS.

• Very Very FUNNY!!!
• When food never enter belle, which wan concern man with FADA XMAS.
• Fada Xmas ko....PAPA XMAS ni.
• Abeg make una serve d POUNDED YAM ojare!!!

G.U.O MOTORS CHAIRMAN PAID N30 MILLION TO KIDNAPPERS!!!

The Chairman of G.U.O Motors Limited, Chief G.U. Okeke, yesterday told an Onitsha High Court that he paid N30 million to kidnappers for his release. Okeke claimed while in captivity he bled profusely, from gun-shots, machete cuts, beatings and human bites inflicted by the kidnappers. He said kidnappings would reduce in the East if victims can sum up courage like he has done, and report incidents to the Police for prosecution. It was discovered that one of the accused had served in his Village Home for about one year before the kidnap incident.

• A very BRAVE MAN...dis is indeed courageous.
• Naija people too dey fear. Its nice to see dis guy come out to identify d SCUMBAGS.
• Dat is d only way to get d MODA4UKAS off awa Streets.
• From what he said, it is often d case dat it is people dat know you who give the info to d other 4ukas.

D'BANJ & GLO CHAIRMAN, MIKE ADENUGA.

D'banj, the ace Nigerian musician has joined the list of singers and Nollywood Actors/Acrtesses who are honoured with the Glo Ambassadorial title. Glo is one of Nigeria's leading Telecom Services.

• Good for you, D'banj. You can smile to the bank once more.....but I hope una dey remember give some to d millions of under-privileged people.
• Bcos na dem dey buy Glo products pass.
• Na for Naija I see old woman for village dey carry MOBILE PHONE...weda credit dey or not!!!
• Even sef...wettin mechanic dey take mobile fone do? Na YAFUN-YAFUN. Some of dem get different lines sef. Na HALO HALO you go dey hear.
• So as una dey make dat money...make una remember where ee dey come from. Some people dey buy credit, and yet no fit chop.

APC'S LAI MOHAMMED GIVES DAUGHTER AWAY IN MARRIAGE.

The daughter of the Interim Publicity Secretary to the APC All Progressives Congress, Lai Mohammed was yesterday given away in marriage at the All Seasons Plaza, Agidigbi, Ikeja. Aishat Mohammed got married to her sweetheart, Boonyamin Taiwo. The occasion was fully graced by all top politicians of the APC Party, including Ashiwaju Bola Tinubu, Mallam Nuhu Ribadu, Chief Bisi Akande, Rochas Okorocha, and General Mohamadu Buhari.

• Una welldone o!!! NAIJA FOR SHOW.
• Congrats to d married couple. IRE AKARI O...(and I mean dat)
• But you AWOOF Politicians should please stop causing KATAKATA and PAIN to my people...get your 4ukin arses together and sort out the MESS you ALL inflicted on our beloved country.
• Contrary to what you all think, THAT DAMN COUNTRY IS NOT YOURS....It 4ukin belongs to all of us. And the ordinary people also have daughters and sons coming behind....even though dey may not be inheriting d nations (ill-gotten) wealth like your PRIVILEGED BROOD!!!